If A Girl Answers (Don't Hang Up)
Recorded March 1982 (ft. Prince w/ girl vox) and released as 5th track on self-titled album Vanity 6 (August 11, 1982). Written by Prince & Terry Lewis.

Brenda, how we gonna get 2 the party?
"Call up Jimmy, he's got a car"
And what if a girl answers?
"Hang up"
Hang up nothing! Jimmy says I was his girl
"Honey, don't U know everyone is Jimmy's girl?"
Brenda, I know better than anybody
"Well, if a girl answers, don't hang up, just talk about it"

{phone rings}
This is Vanity, is Jimmy home?
"Yes, but he's taking a shower"
Oh, I see, did he just take out the trash?
"No, that's something he used 2 do, now he's taking out me"
Oh, I see, well tell him he left his pants over here last night
"That's OK, U keep em', he won't b need 'em 2night"
Oh, what's the matter, is he going swimming?
"Why no, we was gonna go but he said he did that last night!"
Well sugar, I know about a great party
Why don't U bring us ur car?
"So sorry, baby, but I never go 2 singles bars"
Single! Is that what U think?
Tramp, I'm datin' ur dad
"Oh, he died about 7 years back, now ain't that just 2 bad?"
Well, that's how we like 'em, tall, stiff and ready
That positively more than I can say 4 dead Jimmy
"That's because he was swallowing vitamin E, now he's swallowing me!"
Oh, U mean U were swallowing him
Why dont U just tie a mattress 2 ur back
"I'm gonna need it cuz if I ever see ur face
I'm gonna fall and have a heart attack!"
All that's gonna fall is the wig off ur head
Now what U think about that?
"I think I'd rather wear a wig than 2 run a motel
4 roaches, ants and lice, dogs and cats n my hat!"

Hey, that's gone 2 far, here, gimme the phone
Hey tramp, take a bath n puke
What's more, U can kiss where the sun don't shine
If that dont work, we can duke
U see, the only kind of man that would play with U
Is 1 that plays with himself
None my friends can stand the sight of U
Much less the smell
And if I wadn't a lady
I'd take my money and buy U a brand new face
Then I'd take my underwear and stick it n ur mouth
And U'd love it cuz U got no taste
And if that dont work
Call back ur dead daddy and show him what U look like now
Honey, I'd bet he'd never come back cuz U 1 ugly cow! (Woo!)
Girl, U tell ur boyfriend Jimmy, he can go and get hit by a car
Cuz as far as I see it, he can't afford 2 bite the beat of this star
There's 2 things we can't stand
1's a jive talk man
The other's a jive talk man with no money!
Can U dig it? (Click)
{phone rings}

If a girl answers, don't hang up {repeat}
Don't hang up {repeat}
If a girl answers, don't hang up
Don't hang up
If a girl answers, don't hang up
Don't hang up {repeat}

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